Mintlatte's formerly Crafty Space

When Cancer takes over….

Two down – four to go….. February 14, 2018

Filed under: Cancer — mintlatte @ 10:12 am

Hubby did round two of Chemo on Monday – he is tolerating it pretty darn well this time.  That said the hair is starting to go.  I guess it is fortunate that it just looks like it is thinning so it doesn’t look too patchy yet.  He hasn’t been a hat wearer for some time – so trying to find hats that he can wear at work and that will be comfortable is a bit tough.  Mainly he tends to run warm anyway – so most knit stocking caps are out – I did find some made of t-shirt material – but they are slouchy and score a no go on the wear at work front.

I was actually thinking it wouldn’t bug him to be bald – I mean a lot of guys are bald and he wears his hair really short anyway.  But when you start to think of it – it is really one of the first really outside visible signs that he has cancer.  In fact, the sudden hair loss is kind of like waving a flag and shouting it from the rooftops.  For him, this is worse than any vanity about hair – it is inviting people to question – and that is very much not his style.  Honestly – this blog is not his style – but he realizes it is mine and that we are mutually coping – so he puts up with it.

There is still some minor swelling in his lower abdomen – but it is shrinking by the day – and for that we are thankful – but I still wish beyond wishing there was someone out there who could tell me this would all be OK.

I had counted on them running his PSA levels again this week before Chemo – but the Dr. didn’t want to run them again until he has another chemo session under his belt.    I am so torn about this – in terms of husband’s anxiety – I see the point – we have physical signs this is all working – and his number was so high to begin with – I think that it may still be higher than he will be comfortable with.  Me?  I just want to see the number.  But to a large extent – while this affects both of us in huge unforeseeable ways that we discover every day – this is his – he owns it in a way that I don’t. So I find myself needing to defer and think more deeply about respecting his choices and not pushing my will onto him.  In the long run I fear I will really need this skill – and it terrifies me.  I beg the universe every single day to not let that time come ever.

In the mean time I am going to try sewing a couple of hats this weekend – and maybe look for a light weight cotton to knit something out of.  At the same time I don’t want to make these things, only because making them signifies something to me.  In a way I am only starting to accept this – and I don’t want to accept this.

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Rolling like a ring ding… February 9, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 6:45 pm

So on we go – if not mindlessly at least obediently.

Hubby has started Chemotherapy – round one down, round two next week – four to go after that.

I have started a more unique game of torture for myself – one where I sort through medical stuff that varies from “I get that” to “This is so far over my head it has an orbit”. The goal of this game is to know what our outcome will be.  To KNOW the answer to the big question – will my husband be OK?  The torture part is that there just isn’t an answer.  You can’t know.  There is no medical miracle that can give you the answer.  There is no belief system that can give you an answer.  It is just a question hanging over life as you know it.   Oddly enough life keeps on – pretty much just as you know with – with a little more chemo and a little darker humor – it just keeps on.

So – here is what I think I know:

This whole stage IV metastatic prostate cancer is scary no matter how you slice it. The fact that it is his lymph nodes seems to indicate that it may be kept in check over a longer term of time.  We are treating it aggressively.  And I think I have to be satisfied with that.

He tolerated his first dose of Chemo pretty darn well – the second is next week – I am hoping very much that we keep just rolling along –

For any who still give a rat’s rear end about what I am making – currently about 1/2 done with a chunky long cardigan – something that looked ridiculously comfortable.  Since my stress levels shoot through the roof at random moments – I find that I have been gravitating towards comfortable things – comfortable clothes, comfortable foods, and comfortable people.

 

 

 

Updates… January 15, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 2:21 pm

Less than a month ago what I knew about prostate cancer fit in a thimble.  Cancer was a statistical long shot to me.  Until it wasn’t.

I am still unsure of many things, but it has been a relief to find that some men live many years with prostate cancer – even stage IV prostate cancer.

Our case is decidedly odd – I can’t find others whose diagnostic path followed my husbands, but diagnosed he is.

He has started one treatment, and will start a 2nd treatment soon (ADT and Chemotherapy).  I am pretty sure we can’t live every day in a fog wondering how long he has – so we haven’t really focused on that – right now we are focusing on the hope that this works (we know there is no cure at this point in time) and that medical science is smart enough to buy us a lifetime.

And there is is – life just goes on –

At any rate – I have read a book (The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett) and it was highly satisfying to have actually finished SOMETHING.  And I actually crafted – a little – I am doing a silly embroidery from Mollie Makes magazine – it appealed to me because everything you need was in the little kit – thread, needled, cloth, hoop and pattern, and it was small – nothing too crazy – just enough to be satisfied that you have made SOMETHING.  In the same fit of optimism I ordered a bit of chunky yarn – hoping that the knitting is fast. I guess that remains to be seen – no photos now – that would require a level of organization beyond where my spirit is at the moment – but hey – maybe one day.

 

 

 

What’s New… January 5, 2018

Filed under: Cancer,Life — mintlatte @ 2:08 pm

So- what’s new right?

I am sorely lacking in craft content, I could go back over all the stuff I have done, started and not finished or maybe even the things I have though of doing, but things have been turned upside down in the world here.

My husband has been diagnosed with Stage IV Prostate cancer.  Which is about as out of the blue as it can be in your worst nightmares.  Honestly if you looked at him you wouldn’t know he was sick – other than some water retention in his lower extremities – he is fine – he feels fine, he looks fine.  But medical tests tell otherwise.  They show he has a prostate cancer that has spread to the lymph system.

This is all we know right now, it is a tiny, scary crumb that has me thrown for a loop.  I am writing not because anyone follows this – but because I am at a loss – and maybe someone else has been here in this very spot.

We will hopefully know more next week – the Docs want to discuss among themselves – a fact that is both comforting and terrifying.

Until later, keep Mr. Mintlatte in your thoughts – as I go through this I may decide to post more – but I am new at the whole caregiver thing – my husband is my person, but this will be a whole new level – and I am only now beginning to work through it all in my head.

 

5 years later – February 16, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 7:50 am

Holy cow – decided to check my URL as I couldn’t remember if I renewed this year – apparently I did, or should soon, or something like that.

When I logged into WordPress (I remembered my login!) it kindly tells me it has been 5 years since my last post.  5 years. I feel the need to say that again 5 years.  And I am writing here even though no one reads it because reading it myself…well it was nice to get a refresher course on my life.  Some things to note: Teenage daughter is no longer teenage daughter.  According to the laws she is now adult daughter.  Boy has been downgraded to Teenage boy.

In other news I have knit many..many lovely things, but I am posting them all on Ravelry these days. I am mintlatte there too if you are interested in knitterly things.

Also noted – a pair of socks that was on my needles 5 years ago is STILL on my needles. I am pretty sure I wasn’t happy with the gauge, but it has been so long I honestly just don’t remember.

By way of documentation – so that I don’t end up here 5 years from now and find myself curious:

  1. Work is OK.  I am pretty happy most days and I get to work on some good projects.
  2. Hubby is still hubby. He is likely to remain that way.
  3. The kids are still relatively normal kids – at least as far as I can tell.
  4. I am currently working on Hiraeth – a lovely shawl that I have not photographed yet.

 

Since I don’t want to bore myself with details – let’s just say I will see you again in 5 years  or maybe sooner – depending on life.

 

Mid-pedicure post …. July 2, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 2:12 pm

No worries – I don’t have some stranger polishing my tootsies – I do my own pedicures. Aside from the fact I am a tad bit creeped out by people who are actually ok touching stranger’s feet – it is a lot cheaper to take care of your own tootsies.

I was going for a patriotic red blue and gold look, but sadly my red polish is clumpy – so it may not make the cut. 

In honor of the patriotic season the hubby kids and I ventured out last night to a fireworks show near the house. The nice thing about fireworks once a year is that you kind of forget how awesome they are in between. You forget that some of them are loud enough that you can feel the boom, you forget the noise as it echoes back like distant thunder. You forget the lights raining over you that little fear that something might land on you.  You only remember the ones that boom and then sizzle into so many tiny light flowers when you see them again and as short as the show seems, in the end it almost seems worth the traffic and the people and the crazy that is going to any event in the city with a crowd anxiety ridden husband, a teenager and one shy boy. 

In knitting news I have reached heel point on a new pair of socks, and since the last 8 pairs I have ended up ripping since I just didn’t like them – this pair is at least encouraging. I have discovered through the help of Ravelry that I have high arches and perhaps need to modify sock patterns if I expect them to fit properly – so my hope is that this pair will finally fit properly. I figured I would use an inexpensive yarn just in case this whole experiment with modification didn’t work, then I wouldn’t feel like I had to rip it out and start over, so I am using some lion brand sock ease from stash, the only problem is I truly like this yarn…for the price point it is as nice as some yarns I have spent twice as much for. If it holds up to wear I will be truly impressed.  I just wish it came in solids as well.

No sock pictures today though, it is simply a yellowish sock in plain jane ribbed top stockinette down. If it all fits well it may merit its own post simply because posting about it while it is still in my memory will at least give me a reference point for future pairs.

 

Get off my lawn…. June 29, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 7:42 pm
Fable Mitts by mintlatte
Fable Mitts, a photo by mintlatte on Flickr.

So anyway – these are the fable mitts, I finished them in a rush as they were originally intended for someone else, but in an evil twist of fate I got to keep them. The knitting is just to distract you, I really started typing to tell you all how fricking grumpy I am.

My dog is making me insane becasue the oversize dipshit is terrified of fireworks, and every kid in my neighborhood apparently has an unlimited firework fund. I find myself thinking very bad things about these children, and worse things about their parents. The problem is when I was a kid nothing made me happier than a bag of fireworks – that delightful sense of wrongness when you lit the fuse and held it to the last minute and threw it…or when you stuffed a barbies head with black cats and twisted all the fuses together to light as one…anyway FWIW I still have all my fingers. Clearly something has addled my brain between childhood and today cause I would ban the damn things. In the meantime my addled st. bernard golden mix is living under my skirts, and is fricking terrified to go outside and do his business. His back legs have acquired a nervous shake and he is vocalizing….peiple my dog licks, he does not vocalize. Also the whine is very wimpy and the one thing my dog has going for him is that he can look tough (look being the key word)
In closing – fricking brats…get off my lawn – also I would never wish that you lose a finger, but if you buzzed on badly enough to give up fireworks…..