So on we go – if not mindlessly at least obediently.
Hubby has started Chemotherapy – round one down, round two next week – four to go after that.
I have started a more unique game of torture for myself – one where I sort through medical stuff that varies from “I get that” to “This is so far over my head it has an orbit”. The goal of this game is to know what our outcome will be. To KNOW the answer to the big question – will my husband be OK? The torture part is that there just isn’t an answer. You can’t know. There is no medical miracle that can give you the answer. There is no belief system that can give you an answer. It is just a question hanging over life as you know it. Oddly enough life keeps on – pretty much just as you know with – with a little more chemo and a little darker humor – it just keeps on.
So – here is what I think I know:
This whole stage IV metastatic prostate cancer is scary no matter how you slice it. The fact that it is his lymph nodes seems to indicate that it may be kept in check over a longer term of time. We are treating it aggressively. And I think I have to be satisfied with that.
He tolerated his first dose of Chemo pretty darn well – the second is next week – I am hoping very much that we keep just rolling along –
For any who still give a rat’s rear end about what I am making – currently about 1/2 done with a chunky long cardigan – something that looked ridiculously comfortable. Since my stress levels shoot through the roof at random moments – I find that I have been gravitating towards comfortable things – comfortable clothes, comfortable foods, and comfortable people.