Mintlatte's formerly Crafty Space

When Cancer takes over….

Long Day…. May 29, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 11:41 am

Tomorrow is shaping up to be an incredibly long day – while recently I have been pretty focused on Hubby’s health – tomorrow I have to spend some time focusing on my own.  My Rituxan infusion is tomorrow – Rituxan being the drug that keeps the MS at bay.  And while it isn’t HORRIBLE – it’s NOT a day at the park either.  Anyway in an effort to not take too much time off of work – Hubby is also doing chemo tomorrow.  And while I am appreciative they could squeeze us in on the same day – we are not at the same time – but more back to back.  I will be relinquishing my chair about the time he will be needing one so its going to be a really, REALLY long day.

I am not sure why anyone would care about this at all – except I can say – there are real challenges – both financial and logistical to managing a family and chronic illness.  Had we been scheduled on separate days – we both would have needed two days off, which really is counterproductive.  Having to take time off to remain well enough to work.. well, yeah.  You see my point.

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Been a Bit… May 25, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 9:30 am

I know it has been a bit – so here is the quick update –

Chemo is doing the trick – or maybe Lupron is- but Hubby’s PSA is now down to 13 – which is a totally reasonable number given what we started with.

At any rate – since he is tolerating chemo pretty well, we are playing the how low can you go game and signed him up for four more sessions.  He is entirely thrilled about this development (or not).

And I find myself wandering around in a brand new forest with totally different trees.  As we went through this whole chemo bit, the end game was clear.  It was to get my hubby better.  Only now that we are at the end I realize we are better, but we are also standing at the edge of a moving precipice.  He is better FOR NOW.  For some unanticipated length of time.  Until he is not.  So I keep thinking I am getting this – I am learning how to live with this hanging over my head – and then it throws a brand new thing at me and is all “surprise – look what I found right around the next corner!” and it ALWAYS requires me to rethink everything.

I tell everyone that it’s all OK – that you can’t really dwell in fear and what not – life won’t let you – like it or not you find yourself just living,  grocery shopping, paying the bills, walking together like you always do, and laughing together while you go about it all.  Still sometimes we walk around the elephant in the room, sometimes we laugh about it, and sometimes we rage at it.  Privately I am melancholy about its presence. Privately I sense that hubby is still raging and may never stop. I rationalize that this is what resilience is really like.  Resilience is simply doing what you always do despite what the world does to you.  It makes me happy and sad at the same time.  I mean its so simple – keep calm and carry on – but its also like the duck – calm on top and paddling furiously underneath.

On another note – we finally dined at White Fence Farms last night – for all in Denver I think this is a required thing.  Hubby and son were less than enthusiastic – but I found it charming and the food was A-OK.  Although really it was like eating at a Kansas funeral – fried chicken and mayo based salads, so if you ever had a really good Kansas funeral meal cooked by the ladies auxiliary – then you get it.  If you have a hankering for that type of food but are not fond of church basements and funerals, then White Fence Farms is your place.

And if you are still here for the knitting – I have been playing Zelda – and that has consumed all my knitting time- BUT I have been Ravelry lurking and dreaming of new shawls and cardigans – so something is bound to hit the fan soon – either I will find out what size needles are NOT in use and start something new with them or I will actually pick up something and finish it – but I figure why not surprise myself – everyone else surprises me 🙂

 

 

 

Rolling like a ring ding… February 9, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 6:45 pm

So on we go – if not mindlessly at least obediently.

Hubby has started Chemotherapy – round one down, round two next week – four to go after that.

I have started a more unique game of torture for myself – one where I sort through medical stuff that varies from “I get that” to “This is so far over my head it has an orbit”. The goal of this game is to know what our outcome will be.  To KNOW the answer to the big question – will my husband be OK?  The torture part is that there just isn’t an answer.  You can’t know.  There is no medical miracle that can give you the answer.  There is no belief system that can give you an answer.  It is just a question hanging over life as you know it.   Oddly enough life keeps on – pretty much just as you know with – with a little more chemo and a little darker humor – it just keeps on.

So – here is what I think I know:

This whole stage IV metastatic prostate cancer is scary no matter how you slice it. The fact that it is his lymph nodes seems to indicate that it may be kept in check over a longer term of time.  We are treating it aggressively.  And I think I have to be satisfied with that.

He tolerated his first dose of Chemo pretty darn well – the second is next week – I am hoping very much that we keep just rolling along –

For any who still give a rat’s rear end about what I am making – currently about 1/2 done with a chunky long cardigan – something that looked ridiculously comfortable.  Since my stress levels shoot through the roof at random moments – I find that I have been gravitating towards comfortable things – comfortable clothes, comfortable foods, and comfortable people.

 

 

 

Updates… January 15, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 2:21 pm

Less than a month ago what I knew about prostate cancer fit in a thimble.  Cancer was a statistical long shot to me.  Until it wasn’t.

I am still unsure of many things, but it has been a relief to find that some men live many years with prostate cancer – even stage IV prostate cancer.

Our case is decidedly odd – I can’t find others whose diagnostic path followed my husbands, but diagnosed he is.

He has started one treatment, and will start a 2nd treatment soon (ADT and Chemotherapy).  I am pretty sure we can’t live every day in a fog wondering how long he has – so we haven’t really focused on that – right now we are focusing on the hope that this works (we know there is no cure at this point in time) and that medical science is smart enough to buy us a lifetime.

And there is is – life just goes on –

At any rate – I have read a book (The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett) and it was highly satisfying to have actually finished SOMETHING.  And I actually crafted – a little – I am doing a silly embroidery from Mollie Makes magazine – it appealed to me because everything you need was in the little kit – thread, needled, cloth, hoop and pattern, and it was small – nothing too crazy – just enough to be satisfied that you have made SOMETHING.  In the same fit of optimism I ordered a bit of chunky yarn – hoping that the knitting is fast. I guess that remains to be seen – no photos now – that would require a level of organization beyond where my spirit is at the moment – but hey – maybe one day.

 

 

 

5 years later – February 16, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 7:50 am

Holy cow – decided to check my URL as I couldn’t remember if I renewed this year – apparently I did, or should soon, or something like that.

When I logged into WordPress (I remembered my login!) it kindly tells me it has been 5 years since my last post.  5 years. I feel the need to say that again 5 years.  And I am writing here even though no one reads it because reading it myself…well it was nice to get a refresher course on my life.  Some things to note: Teenage daughter is no longer teenage daughter.  According to the laws she is now adult daughter.  Boy has been downgraded to Teenage boy.

In other news I have knit many..many lovely things, but I am posting them all on Ravelry these days. I am mintlatte there too if you are interested in knitterly things.

Also noted – a pair of socks that was on my needles 5 years ago is STILL on my needles. I am pretty sure I wasn’t happy with the gauge, but it has been so long I honestly just don’t remember.

By way of documentation – so that I don’t end up here 5 years from now and find myself curious:

  1. Work is OK.  I am pretty happy most days and I get to work on some good projects.
  2. Hubby is still hubby. He is likely to remain that way.
  3. The kids are still relatively normal kids – at least as far as I can tell.
  4. I am currently working on Hiraeth – a lovely shawl that I have not photographed yet.

 

Since I don’t want to bore myself with details – let’s just say I will see you again in 5 years  or maybe sooner – depending on life.

 

Mid-pedicure post …. July 2, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 2:12 pm

No worries – I don’t have some stranger polishing my tootsies – I do my own pedicures. Aside from the fact I am a tad bit creeped out by people who are actually ok touching stranger’s feet – it is a lot cheaper to take care of your own tootsies.

I was going for a patriotic red blue and gold look, but sadly my red polish is clumpy – so it may not make the cut. 

In honor of the patriotic season the hubby kids and I ventured out last night to a fireworks show near the house. The nice thing about fireworks once a year is that you kind of forget how awesome they are in between. You forget that some of them are loud enough that you can feel the boom, you forget the noise as it echoes back like distant thunder. You forget the lights raining over you that little fear that something might land on you.  You only remember the ones that boom and then sizzle into so many tiny light flowers when you see them again and as short as the show seems, in the end it almost seems worth the traffic and the people and the crazy that is going to any event in the city with a crowd anxiety ridden husband, a teenager and one shy boy. 

In knitting news I have reached heel point on a new pair of socks, and since the last 8 pairs I have ended up ripping since I just didn’t like them – this pair is at least encouraging. I have discovered through the help of Ravelry that I have high arches and perhaps need to modify sock patterns if I expect them to fit properly – so my hope is that this pair will finally fit properly. I figured I would use an inexpensive yarn just in case this whole experiment with modification didn’t work, then I wouldn’t feel like I had to rip it out and start over, so I am using some lion brand sock ease from stash, the only problem is I truly like this yarn…for the price point it is as nice as some yarns I have spent twice as much for. If it holds up to wear I will be truly impressed.  I just wish it came in solids as well.

No sock pictures today though, it is simply a yellowish sock in plain jane ribbed top stockinette down. If it all fits well it may merit its own post simply because posting about it while it is still in my memory will at least give me a reference point for future pairs.

 

Get off my lawn…. June 29, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — mintlatte @ 7:42 pm
Fable Mitts by mintlatte
Fable Mitts, a photo by mintlatte on Flickr.

So anyway – these are the fable mitts, I finished them in a rush as they were originally intended for someone else, but in an evil twist of fate I got to keep them. The knitting is just to distract you, I really started typing to tell you all how fricking grumpy I am.

My dog is making me insane becasue the oversize dipshit is terrified of fireworks, and every kid in my neighborhood apparently has an unlimited firework fund. I find myself thinking very bad things about these children, and worse things about their parents. The problem is when I was a kid nothing made me happier than a bag of fireworks – that delightful sense of wrongness when you lit the fuse and held it to the last minute and threw it…or when you stuffed a barbies head with black cats and twisted all the fuses together to light as one…anyway FWIW I still have all my fingers. Clearly something has addled my brain between childhood and today cause I would ban the damn things. In the meantime my addled st. bernard golden mix is living under my skirts, and is fricking terrified to go outside and do his business. His back legs have acquired a nervous shake and he is vocalizing….peiple my dog licks, he does not vocalize. Also the whine is very wimpy and the one thing my dog has going for him is that he can look tough (look being the key word)
In closing – fricking brats…get off my lawn – also I would never wish that you lose a finger, but if you buzzed on badly enough to give up fireworks…..